The 4 Steps of Forgiveness
"To forgive is to set the prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes
Greetings, Divine child —
When you forgive others (and yourself), you release old energies. You set yourself free. You step into your future. But in order to do this, you must be sure you're forgiving for the right reasons, and in the right way.
When I say "for the right reasons" and "in the right way," I mean right for you. Be honest with yourself. Are you forgiving someone to avoid conflict? Or as an attempt at self-preservation? Are you forgiving someone because you think you should? Because others are telling you to?
If you're not ready to forgive, that's okay. But when you're ready, know this:
Forgiving someone does not mean that you condone their behavior, and it does not excuse the thing they did or said that hurt you. The point of forgiveness is to free yourself from the low vibrational frequencies of the past. The point of forgiveness is freedom.
If you continue to focus on your past hurts — holding on to old grudges against all those who have “wronged” you — you will continue to live in the past, spending a precious portion of your life force holding on to those energies. But as you forgive, you begin to reclaim your life force, which you can then use to create a new and better future.
Don't forgive for them; forgive for you.
When you choose to forgive, you are the one who benefits. Because of The Law of Attraction (LOA), the positive energy you create by doing this will inevitably ripple out, and as you embrace your newfound freedom, you will draw more positive experiences to you.
The 4 Steps of Forgiveness
1. Be completely honest
How do you feel about what happened? Maybe you don't remember the event exactly the way it unfolded. Maybe you've been told you overreacted. Maybe it's painful to recall. But the first step to forgiveness is honesty. How did this experience make you feel? Hurt? Abandoned? Rejected? Violated? Angry? Your feelings about the experience is the only truth that matters. Not what "actually" happened, or how you were "supposed" to react. Your feelings. That's what matters. And in order to move forward, you have to own what you felt.
Note: If you can't confront the emotions this experience brings to the surface, you might not be ready to forgive. And that's okay! Really listen to yourself to know if you're ready. Follow the guidelines in our most recent post, "7 Steps to Change Your Frequency," if you need some extra support.
2. Quiet the ego-mind
Do not let ego justify or trivialize the experience. Do not fall into the old patterns of repressing, denying, or minimizing what happened. Your body is the keeper of your truth, not your mind. Your ego will do whatever it can to keep you from exploring your past hurts. Don't let it. Quiet the mind, settle into the body, and focus on your feelings.
For more in-depth guidance on how to quiet the ego-mind, check out "Shush, Ego, Shush!"
3. Take responsibility for the lesson, but do not take the blame
I want to be clear: this step has nothing to do with blame. Whether someone did something to you or you did something to someone else (or yourself), no one is to blame.
Read that again.
If you find yourself blaming someone else (or yourself), you are still a step removed from the actual feeling. Blame is the emotional block; it's not a feeling. Anger and hurt are feelings. If you're still in the blame phase, go back to Step 1 and try to find the feeling.
If you have confronted and owned the emotions this experience brought about — and you haven't let ego deny, distract, or minimize them — then you're ready for Step 3.
Remember, you are a powerful Divine creator, and everything in your life — wanted and unwanted — is your own co-creation. That's what being a powerful Divine creator means. It means you are creating your experiences by resonating at certain frequencies that attract certain experiences. Once you understand and embrace that, you understand and embrace that you can create anything you want. Furthermore, when you take responsibility for the lesson, you record that wisdom in your soul's empirical data.
So what did you learn from this experience? Maybe the lesson was to teach you how to set boundaries, how to trust yourself, or how to forgive. Whatever it was, utilize it. Implement the wisdom from what you've learned so that you don't attract this sort of unwanted experience again.
4. Let it go and set yourself free
When you're ready, it's time to release these old energies. This step will take time, but the process will get easier with each session.
How do you release these old energies? You focus on your body sensations. Recall the incident, and as you do so, notice how your body feels. Is there a lump in your throat? A tightness in your chest? Does your stomach or back ache? Whatever the sensation is, focus and feel it until the intensity lessons.
For a complete step-by-step guide on how to feel through your feelings by focusing on your body sensations, read "7 Steps to Change Your Frequency."
When you forgive, you raise your frequency. You sever the tether that binds you to the past, and you step into your future, vibrating with the transcendent potential of your Divine creative powers.